Mama's Lullablog

Madison jokes that I started planning our wedding immediately after he proposed. He’s not wrong. I may have waited five minutes before asking his opinion on timing — winter, spring, summer? 2023, right? Let’s focus on the wedding before the house-building, OK?

He assumed he’d get some reprieve after popping the question, a few months to breathe and enjoy being engaged before having to make more decisions. But I’d been anticipating this moment for a long time. I had a lot of ideas, and I was too excited to wait.

The budget

My parents offered us a generous budget to plan our wedding, and they told us whatever we didn’t use for the wedding could be applied toward the down payment of our future home.

Our first thought was to elope because, hello, we wanted to save that money for our house! I started to research adventure elopements. We could book a photographer and, in some cases, bring up to 12 guests with us. We could hike to an overlook in the Blue Ridge Mountains, outside of Boone where we first met, and celebrate afterward with some pizza and beer at the place where we had our first date. I could still purchase a beautiful gown, buy a bouquet, eat pie… but it’d be intimate, and inexpensive.

As you might expect, my parents rejected that idea. They weren’t supportive of an elopement (even though they could have participated), so we decided to plan a small wedding instead.

And that’s when I started to feel stressed. As I began researching venues (and all the things associated with hosting a wedding), I realized we’d have to use way more of our budget than we originally wanted to. But we agreed to try and stay under $10,000 if possible.

The venue

First, we drafted a guest list with definites and maybes, and determined our small wedding would host about 50 people. (Fifty!) We did this first because the size of the wedding would influence which venues we looked at.

Then, we chose our date: July 1, 2023. I remember sitting on the couch next to Madison, both of us looking at the wedding spreadsheet I’d made (modeled after the one his sister had been using to plan her wedding), and when I typed that date, I felt giddy — that’s it, that’s our date, our future anniversary. It was finally our turn to save the date.

With those two decisions made — number of guests and date — I started to research venues that could accommodate both. There are a lot of lovely venues in our area, but to be honest, most of them charged well above what I was hoping to pay.

Our finalists were:

• The Forest Theatre (ceremony only) – $500
• The Story Venue – $3,000
• Horace Williams House – $1,100
• Ardenwood Farm – $2,500 for up to 50 guests; $3,500 for 50+

The Story Venue is the only one we ended up touring. We liked it, and we realized it was the best option because:

• It’s indoors and air-conditioned (July in Chapel Hill is HOT and humid), and it had multiple stories, including a rooftop deck.
• It allows outside catering without restrictions (having to choose from a list of approved vendors frustrated me).
• It’s located in downtown Chapel Hill, which is where we’re planning on blocking hotel rooms for guests.
• It has an inventory of tables and chairs we can use if we choose to.

The Horace Williams House was the cheapest option by far, but the event would have been held outdoors, and we would have had to rent a tent, dance floor, tables/chairs, and most likely a bar service (unless we found a caterer that included it).

While we loved the Forest Theatre, there’s no parking there (or bathrooms, yikes!), and we would have had to rent chairs and sound equipment for that space.

And, although Ardenwood Farm is beautiful, it’s about a 15-minute drive from downtown, and we weren’t sure we wanted to coordinate a shuttle for guests. Plus, we wanted the flexibility to increase our guest count if we needed to, and Ardenwood would have been the most expensive option if we invited more than 50 guests.

The caterer

Choosing The Story Venue made our catering decision easy-peasy. The Story is owned by Mediterranean Deli, a local restaurant in downtown Chapel Hill. While the venue does allow outside caterers, they also charge $1,000 more for the space if you go with someone else. So, because we like Med Deli’s menu, and because we’re trying to keep our budget below $10,000, we decided to use them as our caterer. And, bonus, they provide the bar service, too!

The pie

That’s right — no wedding cake here!

We’re serving PIE.

And my mom’s doing the baking 🙂 She’s having fun planning the pie menu and experimenting with different ways to present little individual pies. It’s going to be DELICIOUS.

She also bought these cute crates at Hobby Lobby that we’re going to use to display the pies at the reception.

The coordinator

One thing I knew I wanted to look into was wedding coordination. I’ve been a bridesmaid in five of my friends weddings, and I remember how chaotic the entire weekend can feel. Making sure everything (and everyone) gets where they need to be when they need to be there can be stressful, especially when you’re trying to enjoy the moment.

I reached out to several local coordinators, and we ended up booking Amanda at A Swanky Affair. I’d seen her referenced in several blog posts from other local weddings, and after we spoke to her, we were convinced she’d be an incredible support for us! She’s been in the wedding business for years, has several contacts and vendor recommendations, and is super organized.

She charges $2,250, which includes vendor management beginning six weeks prior to the wedding, plus coordination of the rehearsal dinner and wedding day. And right away, she creates a tentative day-of timeline and reception layout, so that you have it handy as you continue planning. She’s also available for a venue walk-through at some point during the planning process, if needed.

The photographer

OK. Finding a photographer was my least favorite part of the planning process thus far. I really don’t like interviewing multiple people (I mean, it’s time consuming!), and it felt overwhelming to think through their photography style, their pricing package, how long we’d need their services, whether or not we wanted engagement photos, if we wanted videography…

Also, some photography packages were more expensive than our venue. I understand that quality work costs money, and I respect that. I just couldn’t fathom paying another $3,000 for six hours of photography.

That’s why I was SO HAPPY when I remembered that Hadley Miller, who’d been a student intern at my office when I worked at Virginia Tech, had started her own photography business! Not only do Madison and I both know Hadley, but she’s a super talented photographer. She’s also a kind, compassionate, and creative individual — all things I admire and love about her!

She happens to charge slightly less than other photographers I’d researched (probably because her business in young and she’s building her portfolio), so that was a perk. She’ll be coming to Chapel Hill in July to take our engagement photos, and I can’t wait!

The officiant

We had two folks in mind for officiating our wedding: the pastor of our church, Daniel, and my dear friend from grad school, Luke.

Luke and his wife Kimber became two of my closest friends when I lived in Memphis. I adored their children, too, and often babysat for them when L&K had date nights. Those two have taught me so much about loving others well, parenting with purpose and compassion and grace, and being a supportive partner.

They loved me through hard seasons when I was a single woman, yearning to find my person, wondering if it’d ever happen.

It felt like a full-circle moment when I got to text him and invite him to officiate our wedding. He called me shortly afterward and agreed to do it. And it just so happens that they were in North Carolina for a wedding last month (they live in Oklahoma!), so Madison got to meet them in person, and I got to hug them for the first time in years.

The rehearsal dinner

A few weeks ago, I invited Madison’s mom, Deb, to go on a walk and chat about wedding stuff. It was important to me that she (and my parents, too) had an opportunity to share any ideas they’d like incorporated in the ceremony or reception, things that felt meaningful to them.

She and I decided together that it would be special to reserve chairs at the ceremony for Madison’s grandparents, who’ve passed away (and also for my maternal grandma, who has also passed away, and my paternal grandparents who won’t be making the trek to NC).

She told me she has a set of pearls from her mom and another pendant that I could borrow, if I wanted to, to wear on the wedding day.

I asked if her husband, Allen, would be willing to make the signs for the wedding (Welcome, restrooms, buffet, bar, etc.) because he has a Cricut machine and is really creative with it!

Traditionally, the groom’s family organizes/covers the cost of the rehearsal dinner, so I confirmed that they were willing to do this, and she recommended two options: The Carolina Inn, and 411 West. After gathering some details about pricing and menu options, we decided to go with 411 West! It’s a cute little Italian restaurant (almost right across the street from our venue) with a covered patio that has a warm vibe.

The flowers

I decided to use sola wood flowers instead of fresh flowers, and I found a local vendor through Facebook — Sincerely Serene Decor — who makes bouquets, boutonnieres, corsages, and arch arrangements. She’s not going to start our order until early next year, but I’ve asked her to put me on her books!

The dress

Eeeeek! The dress!

So, I knew all along I’d be going shopping in Georgia because that’s where my mom and sister live. I discovered an amazing shop online called Aisle & Veil, which has the best business model I have ever seen when it comes to bridal sales.

All their dresses are the same price. This year, that’s $899. Literally every one of their 500+ gowns is $899.

They usually only take private appointments on Wednesdays, so I was planning to fly down on a Wednesday in late August to shop. But they sometimes offer weekend private appointments over holiday weekends, and on the Thursday before Memorial Day weekend, they announced that a few private appointment spots had opened up for that Saturday and Sunday.

My sister, who recently started a new job as a nurse and typically works Friday-Sunday each week, had Sunday off because of the holiday (and some policy about new-hires not being eligible for holiday pay yet), and A&V had one appointment open Sunday.

I snagged it, and made an impromptu trip to Georgia.

When we walked in, they took my measurements and very kindly didn’t tell me what they were 🙂

Then, they gave me and the five other brides in the store (along with our guests), the run-down: pick 10-12 gowns from the racks we assign you to; try on to your heart’s content; narrow down your favorites and try those on again at the end of your appointment; have fun!

What I loved about the experience is that they told me to choose from racks Light Blue, Blue, and Green. I have no idea what sizes those racks corresponded to, and that’s the point. Who wants to focus on their dress size at a time like this?!

I ended up finding a BEAUTIFUL gown, which is an A&V exclusive style, and the best part is WE GOT TO TAKE IT HOME THAT DAY!

I had so much fun with my mom and sister, getting dressed up and putting on a mini fashion show to find the one. I truly felt like a princess.

What’s next?

Three months into our 16-month engagement, and we’ve checked quite a few items off our planning list!

• Ceremony & Reception Venue
• Rehearsal Dinner Venue
• Caterer
• Cake (Pie)
• Coordinator
• Photographer
• Officiant
• Flowers
• Dress

We’ve also discussed other details, like table decor. Yes, I’ve purchased things from Target Dollar Spot already — please don’t judge. Madison’s handling the music and has already started creating our playlist. Oh! And we’ve decided on Jackson Hole, WY for our honeymoon! No plans have been made yet, but we’re excited about it.

Next on the list: engagement photos, hotel blocks, hair and make-up (I’ve been advised to book this early), rentals for the reception, invitations + wedding website, and transportation.

Whew. Feels like a lot. But it’s been fun so far, and I intend for it to stay that way 🙂