It’s common to focus on your physical health when planning your wedding — we all want to look our best in those wedding photos! (Psst… check out Nourish Move Love for free full-length home workouts.)
But what about your mental health?
Marriage is a big life change (even if you’ve been with your partner for years), and planning an event is stressful. Exhibit A: My emotional breakdown four months into the planning process, as described in this blog post from 2022.
So, how can you take care of your own mental health throughout your engagement, and support your partner’s mental health, too?
Here are four suggestions I have for you, based on my own wedding planning experience.
I’m not qualified to provide medical advice. Please contact a doctor if you’re experiencing a mental health crisis, or call the National Mental Health Hotline at 866-903-3787.
1. Therapy
I started therapy a few months after my husband and I got engaged because I was feeling perpetually exhausted and unusually emotional. As it turns out, I was going through depression and didn’t realize it.
When my depression lifted, I continued to see my therapist because she helped me develop strategies for managing stress and anxiety, throughout the wedding planning process and beyond.
Even if your wedding plans come together smoothly, and you’re having fun, there are still all the other things in life that have the potential to influence your emotions. Like work, family dynamics, friendships, health, pets, school, taxes…you get the point.
Individual therapy vs. marriage counseling
Whether you start therapy on your own or commit to a series of counseling sessions with your partner in preparation for marriage, a therapist can provide an unbiased perspective on your unique circumstances, help you work through communication challenges (among other things), and teach you strategies for self-help.
Madison and I had already had many of the conversations prompted by marriage counseling (e.g., finances, faith, family planning, etc.), so we elected not to pursue counseling together. But that might be a good option for you and your partner.
I recommend individual therapy for everyone, but I recognize it can be expensive, especially without health coverage.
- BetterHelp offers both individual and partner counseling online, and ranges between $60 and $90 per week.
- Thriveworks offers in-person therapy, and there’s an office in every state. This is where I started therapy for the first time in 2018!
Podcasts and books
If therapy is outside your budget, my advice is to read books, listen to podcasts, and talk to trusted friends or family members when you can.
To get you started, I recommend Gabby Bernstein’s work. I started reading her books last year, participated in her manifesting challenge to kickstart 2023, and joined her miracle membership (now the Gabby Coaching App) to grow in my meditation practice. I learned a lot of helpful techniques from her that I use daily to support my mental and emotional health. She has a lot of resources, but here’s where I’d begin:
- Dear Gabby podcast
- The Universe Has Your Back book
2. Regular check-ins
As you’ve probably already discovered, wedding planning requires a lot of decision-making.
But you don’t have to (and I’d argue you shouldn’t!) make all those decisions at once.
Scheduling regular check-ins with your partner to discuss your wedding plans can help you prioritize your decisions and prevent either of you from feeling overwhelmed.
For the first couple of months after we got engaged, Madison and I discussed wedding plans on Fridays during or after dinner. Madison appreciated having a designated time to focus on sharing ideas, answering questions, and making decisions, versus talking about our wedding all the time.
Once we made the biggest decisions, and planning hit a lull, we discontinued these regular check-ins, but they proved to be really useful in the beginning.
Later in the planning process, our check-ins were less about booking vendors and more about how each of us was feeling as the wedding drew nearer. A simple, “How are you feeling about everything?” while walking our dog or eating dinner was enough to prompt us to stay open with one another.
There were times I assumed I was the only one feeling overwhelmed, but Madison was feeling it, too.
Remember, you and your partner are in this together.
3. Coping strategies
One thing I learned in therapy is to ask, “What do I need right now?” when I feel anxious or overwhelmed. I start with the basics: food, water, sleep, sunshine. You’d be surprised how many negative moods can be mitigated with one or more of these simple but oh-so-important things!
Our brains need nourishment to feel good and to function. That’s not news, but it’s something I’m quick to forget. You know all those things you’d ask a child when they’re throwing a temper tantrum in the middle of the afternoon? Ask yourself those things, too.
- Do you need a snack?
- Do you need a drink?
- Do you need a nap?
- Do you need some fresh air?
- Do you need a hug?
Once you’ve determined whether your brain craves one of these basic necessities, you can move on to implementing other strategies, such as exercise and meditation.
Taking walks is one of my favorite ways to calm down when I’m feeling all the feels. Sometimes I’ll focus on my breath while I’m walking to redirect my thoughts from whatever’s triggering my emotions.
But any type of exercise will do! My therapist taught me that movement helps to satisfy the “fight or flight” impulse in our brains. You can trick your brain into thinking it has fled the life-threatening situation it perceived (aka anxiety) by moving.
Meditation is a great way to calm your nervous system by controlling your breath and quieting your mind. When I’m anxious, I like to lay underneath my weighted blanket, close my eyes, and control my breath by breathing in for 5 seconds, holding it for 5 seconds, and then releasing it for 5 seconds. Counting also distracts my mind enough to give me some respite from my racing thoughts.
The great thing about meditation is that you can do it anytime, anywhere. Although if you’re driving, please keep your eyes open 🙂
4. Doing the things you love
Wedding planning can easily become all-consuming. But engagement is temporary, and once you’re married, you’ll still be you.
Try to keep doing the things you love in addition to planning a wedding, and set goals unrelated to your wedding that inspire you.
The thing I love is writing. This year, I set a big goal to write a book. That might sound ambitious for the year of my wedding, but it was nice to have a project to work on that continued beyond our wedding day. And every time I opened my draft to begin writing, I was reminded I’m more than a wedding planner.
But your goals don’t have to be big. For example, I also love reading, so I set a goal to read at least one book a month. I usually enjoy nonfiction, but I intentionally picked fiction books a lot this year to give my brain a break.
My favorite resource for setting goals and following through is PowerSheets. I just ordered my 2024 planner and can’t wait to dive in!
Was this post helpful? I’d love your feedback! Please consider leaving a comment and sharing your own wedding plans 🙂
Happy planning!
Mama's Lullablog 
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