Why We Chose to Formula Feed Our Baby

I distinctly remember the nurse asking me when I was in labor, “Will you be breastfeeding or bottle feeding?”

I answered, and she wrote it on the whiteboard in my hospital room. The board also indicated I was 41+1 weeks pregnant and that I was having a baby boy.

My plan was to breastfeed L, and to supplement with formula as needed. I had no qualms with formula feeding, but breastmilk is financially free (I won’t say cost-free because, let’s face it, there’s a physical and emotional toll).

But I also secretly felt like it’s what I was supposed to do. After all, that’s what breasts are for, right? (Yes, I did have a midwife say that to me during my prenatal care when I told her I wasn’t sure I wanted to breastfeed.)

Perhaps I was naive to think that breastfeeding would happen naturally. I mean, if that’s what breasts are for, then it should be pretty straightforward. Spoiler alert: it was not straightforward for me.

The not-so-subtle push to breastfeed

My postpartum nurse placed L on my breast literal minutes after my C-Section incision had been sutured. I had a pulse monitor strapped to one hand and a blood pressure cuff around the opposite arm, with wires that made it nearly impossible to both hold L in place and also squeeze my breast to fit into his mouth.

The nurse guided us for approximately 10 seconds before returning to her computer, leaving my husband and I (at 1 a.m., mind you, after nearly 24 hours of labor and an unplanned C-Section) with a screaming newborn, trying to figure out what latching was and whether or not we were doing it right and how to tell if L was getting any breastmilk at all from the process.

Every successive attempt to breastfeed went about the same way: L couldn’t latch because I have inverted nipples; he would scream until we gave up; we’d feed him colostrum with a syringe and then supplement with donor milk.

During our weekend in the hospital, we were visited by lactation consultants who demonstrated various breastfeeding positions, explained what latching felt like, and clued us into what L’s feeding would sound like if he was successfully latched. I used a nipple shield to assist, but it was difficult to keep in place while also squeezing my breast and holding L’s head in position. A midwife from our OBGYN practice repeatedly encouraged us to consider the free lactation support group when we went home. And when we were discharged, we were sent home with donor milk and instructions to “triple feed”.

Not once did anyone at the hospital ask us if we wanted to feed our son formula. Not once did anyone at the hospital suggest formula feeding may be an option to consider if we continued to struggle with breastfeeding. They were very concerned about L’s weight loss, and yet, formula never entered the conversation.

Their message was subtle, but clear: breastfeed, or bust.

Our decision to switch to formula

Our first night home from the hospital was hellish, as you might expect. Triple feeding was a nightmare. If you’re not familiar, it’s when you attempt to breastfeed, then immediately feed expressed milk or donor milk or formula, then immediately pump to stimulate your breastmilk supply. What that means is your baby screams for five minutes while he attempts to get milk from your breast, then you start crying because you’re exhausted and your C-Section incision hurts and you feel like a complete failure for not being able to feed your newborn, and every feeding session takes three times as long.

We took L to his first pediatrician appointment the following day, and we shared our concerns about breastfeeding with L’s doctor. He told us three things that were super helpful to hear:

One of the reasons L lost more weight than “normal” after birth was because he’d been pumped with fluids during the C-Section (whatever mama receives, baby receives). His birth weight was likely inflated.
Women who give birth via C-Section typically don’t see their milk supply increase until 5 days after their procedure.
Whether we choose to breastfeed or formula feed, all that matters is that our baby is fed.

Formula was OK’d by our pediatrician, so why did I still feel guilty about even considering formula feeding over breastfeeding?

The truth is, I didn’t have a strong desire to breastfeed. I know that some moms do, which probably makes it that much harder to choose formula or pumping if you need to.

But I didn’t expect to feel ashamed and selfish.

We chose to switch to formula before L was one week old. In hindsight, I wish I’d done it from Day 1. The guilt and shame dissipated over time. And after those first few months, nobody asked me or cared whether or not I was breastfeeding (except L’s doctors at his check-ups, but that’s just for his record).

Finding the right formula

Just like breastfeeding, formula feeding requires learning and adjusting. We started with Bobbie because I’d gotten a free sample while I was pregnant. After a month, we switched to ByHeart because Bobbie was causing L constipation. Roughly six weeks after that, we switched again because ByHeart was recalled nationwide due to an infant botulism outbreak. Yikes! This time, we opted for Kendamil. L transitioned well, and honestly, I wish we’d chosen Kendamil from the start!

My biggest recommendation for choosing a formula is to read the label. Duh, right? I was surprised to learn that many familiar brands’ first ingredient is corn starch. You want the first ingredient to be actual milk.

My next recommendation, just based on our experience, is to buy only what you might need for a week or two before going all-in. I signed up for a Bobbie subscription, and by the time we realized the formula was the cause of his constipation, I’d received a shipment of several cans in the mail that I could no longer use. I wasn’t eligible for a refund, either, because they don’t accept returns. If your baby does well on a formula for a few weeks, you’re probably in the clear to stock up.

And my last recommendation if you’re formula-feeding is to buy the Baby Brezza Formula Pro! We had it on our baby registry, and my husband’s boss bought it for us. My dad ended up buying us a second one that we could keep upstairs because it’s just so convenient.