I used to think exclamations like, “I can’t believe it’s been 6 months!” or “How is it possible that I have a 1-year-old?!” were exaggerations. Just another standard social media caption to mark a milestone. But now that I have a 6-month-old, I understand just how un-exaggerated those statements are.
I’m here to say: I can’t believe L is 6 months old!
In my very first Lovevery subscription box, there was a coffee mug that read, “The days are long, but the years are short.” It’s one of my favorite mugs, and I think about that sentiment when I reflect on the past six months.
Tired, in love, and changed
It’s 7:36 p.m. on Friday night. I intended to write this post in time to publish it this morning, but my parents visited this week to help us build a shed. While I’m always grateful for their support and for the time they invest in L, hosting limits my alone time (and, consequently, my creative project time). I’m usually in my PJs by now, watching an episode of Rizzoli & Isles before I fall asleep. I made a commitment to myself to publish a blog post every Friday, though, and I’m determined to stick to it.
For the past 20 minutes, I’ve been typing and deleting, typing and deleting. I wanted this post to be thoughtful and wise. I wanted my words to capture the complexity and beauty of motherhood as I’ve experienced it thus far. I wanted it to be something I could reread in five years to remember how it felt to be halfway through my first year as a mom.
But here’s the truth: I’m tired. I’m having trouble concentrating. And as I lay in bed with my laptop propped on my knees, I can’t quite find the words to describe what the past six months have been like.
L has grown so much in such a short span of time. I love him more than I knew I was capable of loving anyone. I pick him up from his crib each morning, and before I change his diaper, I hold him as he rests his head on my shoulder. We sway together for a few precious moments, and every day, I say God, more of this please.
His grin and giggle are like medicine for my soul. I love it when he notices me from across the room and smiles, or when he notices his dad and smiles. I’m so proud of him when he learns a new skill, like rolling over or sitting up. He loves it when we sing to him and read books with him, and it amazes me that he’s already developing a personality. He’s sweet and silly and curious and brave, and I hope he keeps those qualities forever.
I’ve changed over the past six months, too. My greatest desire is to become a stay-at-home mom. Things I fretted over before becoming a mom seem less important now (although I have new anxieties related to L and work and finances). I’m acutely aware of the influence my husband and I have on L, even at such a young age. It motivates me to take care of my mental health, and to nurture our marriage, so that individually and as a couple we can demonstrate love, kindness, honesty, forgiveness, and grace. I’m also aware of outside influences that don’t necessarily jive with our values, and I feel a responsibility to protect L from those.
In my teens and twenties, I was never someone who felt called to be a mom. Some of my friends just knew they were destined to become mothers. That wasn’t me. But now that L’s here, I can’t imagine life without him. I can’t imagine not being his mom. It’s more fulfilling than I ever could have hoped it would be.
By this time next year, I’ll be writing a blog post in celebration of becoming a full-time stay-at-home mom. Stay tuned!
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