Don’t let the hard days win is my favorite Dove chocolate foil wrapper message.
Today was a hard day. Sure, L was a little fussier than usual, and his longest nap was 33 minutes. But that’s not what made today hard.
I feel stuck in the in between. I desperately desire to be a full-time stay-at-home mom, but that isn’t financially possible for us right now. So, I’m a part-time stay-at-home mom and a part-time communication strategist.
L isn’t enrolled in daycare, and we don’t have at-home child care (unless my mom is visiting), so on the days when both my husband and I work, we take turns caring for L and working. Before L was born, I naively thought it’d be simple to keep L at home with us while also working two full-time jobs. I was so wrong. It’s not only complicated–it’s exhausting. Most weeks, I can barely manage having a part-time work schedule, even with working remotely.
So, I’m trying to find a way to replace my income without having an employer.
I have some ideas, and I’ve been taking deliberate steps toward bringing those ideas to fruition, but it’s a slow process. The stress and pressure I feel at work makes me want a solution NOW. Today, I racked my brain for creative answers to the age-old question: How can I care for my child and contribute financially to our household without having to work a traditional job?
L wasn’t the only one crying today.
I don’t have the answers, and toiling over this situation was mentally and emotionally draining. I sat on the couch with L for 45 minutes watching a TV show just to check out and silence my incessant inner monologue. And then I felt guilty for letting L watch a screen. And then I felt like a bad mom for being so preoccupied by my own problems that I couldn’t engage with my son.
If it was a friend who’d told me this about herself, I’d tell her that she’s human, that all moms need breaks, and that attempting to avoid screen time altogether is setting ourselves up for failure.
Why is it so much harder to give ourselves grace than it is to extend it to someone else?
Negative thoughts love company, so I played whack-a-mole in my brain as old, familiar fears and beliefs cropped up.
- You’ll never succeed as an entrepreneur.
- You’ve tried this before. It didn’t work then; it won’t work now.
- Nobody will ever read your stupid blog.
- You don’t have what it takes to make money on your own.
- You don’t have strong enough faith to manifest your desires.
- Nothing comes easily.
- You’re not good enough.
- You don’t have anything worthy to offer.
- Money will always be an issue for you.
- Money is hard to get.
These are some of my stories. I’ve been learning to rewrite them, to choose new beliefs. But sometimes they show up on hard days, and it can feel overwhelming.
You probably have stories, too. They may sound different than mine, but they likely feel the same.
One hard day doesn’t change my desire to become a full-time stay-at-home mom. One hard day doesn’t make me a failure, and it doesn’t mean I should give up. It means I’m human, I have feelings, and there’s more learning and growing yet to come.
Leave a Reply